Conspiracy Theorists Clear Italian Wine and Spirits in Death of Justice Scalia

Pouring over the details contained in a recently released Texas Sheriff's Department incident report, conspiracy theorists around the globe concluded that Italian wine and spirits were not a factor in the February 13th death of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia at John Poindexter's Cibolo Creek Ranch in Texas.

Ammon Bundy, recent co-leader of the occupation of the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge and general nut-case, came to this conclusion after his review of the incident report and consultation with Rear Adm. Brian P. Monahan, attending physician for members of Congress and the Supreme Court.

"While not entirely ruling out any other funny-business related to the International Order of St. Hubertus, it seems that coronary artery disease, obesity, diabetes, a heart like the Grinch's that was two sizes too small, sleep apnea, high blood pressure, smoking, toenail fungus and other ailments, may possibly have led to Justice Scalia's untimely death." Bundy said in a statement to The Italian Cellar.

"We can conclusively state that the Justice's pre-dinner Boulevardier (a Texas-style Negroni variant where gin is swapped out for Bourbon), the Bucci "Villa Bucci" Riserva Verdicchio that was served with the grilled scallop first course and the Alois Lageder "Krafuss" Pinot Nero that was served with the roast pheasant main course, cannot be attributed to his death." said Bundy.

"I honestly feel that Scalia's after-dinner digestif of an Amaro Nonino "Quintessentia" (on the rocks with an orange twist) may have actually prolonged the Justice's life long enough for him to get into bed where he died peacefully."





   

Campagnolo - The "Big" Corkscrew - Veneto

Sometimes, BIGGER is better.  Over 2 pounds of pure Italian style from Campagnola, a high-end bicycle manufacturer (later automobile compents - Ferrari, Maserati, etc. and later still - satellite components) founded in 1933 by Tullio Campagnola.  A life-long inventor, Tullio holds over 135 patents and created such bicycle components as the quick release mechanism for wheels and derailleurs which allowed multi-speed bicycles.

Legend has it that many years ago, Tullio hurt his hand opening a wine bottle in celebration of a team victory.  His pain turned to inspiration, and thus the "Big" Corkscrew was born.

The "Big" Corkscrew's telescopic, self-centering bell positions the screw exactly in the middle of the cork and once screwed down, the two perfectly machined levers pull the cork out easily and delicately. The corkscrew has been designed to never twist completely through the cork, thus preventing pieces of cork dropping into the wine.  Quality materials and careful finishes accompany the sinuous shapes of its various parts. Each component is a characteristic feature of the Campagnolo brand.  Truly a work of art.

Cusumano Nero d' Avola (2014) Sicilia

A solid, value-priced southern Italian red wine from Cusumano, a Sicilian winery created by third generation winemakers and brothers Diego and Alberto Cusumano who assembled a network of growers that previously contracted with cooperatives. The 2014 Nero d' Avola is 100% Nero d’Avola grapes that are hand harvested from vineyards around San Giacomo. Deep ruby red color with an aroma of fresh red and blackberries. Spicy, yet smooth. Has the finish of a well-made wine. Way-cool "Vino-Lok" glass stopper. 

Luxardo Original Maraschino Cherries - Veneto

A knock-out garnish for your craft cocktail from Luxardo, a fifth generation family-owned company founded in Zara, a port city on the Dalmatian coast of what is now Croatia in 1817. During World War II, the family fled to Italy, escaping with only a single cherry sapling and the Luxardo recipe book. 

Luxardo's Maraschino (mar-a-SKI-no) Cherries are proprietary sour marasca cherries that are candied and steeped in a syrup made of cherry juice and sugar.  The Luxardo family exclusively cultivates over 30,000 Marasca Cherry trees in the Veneto region of Italy to produce these jewels.

The cherries are all natural, with no artificial colors, and are certified Kosher to boot!  When only the best will do. L'chayim!

Cocchi Vermouth di Torino - Piemonte

A delicious sweet vermouth made in the Turin style (one of only two protected geographical indication of origins for vermouth – the other being Chambéry where Dolin is produced) from a base of Moscato d'Asti with rich flavors of cocoa, rhubarb, and citrus.

Cocchi (pronounced co-KEY, you rubes) was founded in 1891 by Guillo Cocchi, a bartender in Florence before following his dream and moving to Asti to become a sparkling winemaker  (a maker of sparkling wine, not a winemaker that sparkles) and distiller.  The company was Cocchi-owned until 1971 when it was purchased by the Bava family who still run it today.

Terrific on its own or as an ingredient in a classic cocktail recipe.  Its flavor profile occupies a middle ground between Carpano Antica and Punt e Mes. 

 

Ted Cruz - 2016 Republican Presidential Candidate and Generally Scary Dude

Thanks to our extensive "Tea Party" connections, The Italian Cellar, was afforded an opportunity to briefly speak with Texas Senator Ted Cruz following his big announcement Monday at Liberty University in Lynchburg Tennessee that he was running for President in the 2016 election: 

Senator Cruz, best of luck in your campaign. What was the first wine that made you realize you loved wine?

"Damijan Ribolla Gialla 2002 made me change the way I look at white wine, and the first time I had Quintarelli Amarone I knew I’d never tasted anything even close to that before. However I have to say that the wine that did it for me, that truly made me realize that I love wine was Bartolo Mascarello’s 1989 Barolo (out of a magnum). Like the Quintarelli it possessed layers and depth that I could draw few comparisons to, and definitely had the "what was that?" impact on me. However the one thing that made this one truly stand out was it’s elegance. To this day if you asked me to describe my idea of “elegance” I would have to say that that wine is an example that I would use."

Describe your perfect meal and the wine you'd pair with it.

"Well I was recently on an anti-Obamacare junket in Piemonte, so how could I not mention white truffles on Tajarin with aged Barolo. But there is also something to be said about the simplicity of a white like Verdicchio from Le Marche (look for Sartarelli) that work their magic with the seafood of the Adriatic on a summer day. The zing and citrus nuances bring just about any fish back to life - no sauces needed here - just some grilled fish and lemon. A Rosso di Montalcino with some pici topped with wild boar ragu is also a nice, simple classic pair."

Were the students at Liberty University really forced at gunpoint to attend your announcement speech?

“No, it just seemed that way. I’ll tell you, the energy and the exhilaration there yesterday and we’re seeing on the trail takes your breath away.”

Well, congratulations again, and thank you for your time.

"It was my pleasure."

Pio Cesare L'Altro (2012) Piemonte

A terrific summer white from Pio Cesare, a fifth generation family winery that produces traditional Piemontese wines from its 50 hectare of vineyards near Alba.  In addition to its own vineyards, Pio Cesare has fostered long-term relationships with area growers that share their viticutural philosophy.

 

The L'Altro is 100% Chardonnay that has been sourced from family-owned vineyards in Treiso (Il Bricco Estate), in Serralunga d'Alba (colombaro) and in Trezzo Tinella (Bossania).  75% of the grapes are fermented in stainless steel tanks and the remaining 25% in new French oak barriques for a welcome, light, fruity character.  The wine is kept on its fermentation lees for 5 months, prior to the bottling.  Delicious on its own or with food - something seasonal and sustainably grown - preferably artisanal and/or heirloom.  Please compost and recycle - and kids; stay in school.

A Perfect Warm Weather Cocktail - The Summer Negroni

A light, citrusy and herbal warm weather variation on the classic Negroni, with Aperol standing in for Campari, and Cocchi Americano for the sweet vermouth.

 

Ice

1 ounce gin (I like Hendricks in this recipe)

1 ounce Cocchi Americano

1 ounce Aperol

Garnish: grapefruit peel  

 

Fill a mixing glass with ice. Add gin, Cocchi Americano, and Aperol. Stir well. Strain into an ice-filled old fashioned glass. Twist grapefruit peel over drink to express oils, add to cocktail and serve.

Punt e Mes - A Classic Red Vermouth

A benchmark Italian red vermouth that is both (thrice?) pleasantly bitter, slightly sweet, and completely delicious.  The formula was developed in 1870 in Antonino Carpano's bar in Piedmont, and the distinctive 15-herb recipe is still a family secret.  Punt e Mes was made by the Carpano family in Turin until 2001, when Distillerie Fratelli Branca of Milan bought it. Punt e Mes is vermouth in its finest form.  I enjoy it by itself with an orange peel and a single, 2 inch craft-cocktail ice cube.  It also adds polish to a wide variety of classic cocktails.  The label looks like a funky 1960's Italian movie poster.  Could easily form the foundation of a vermouth bar concept that I am currently seeking investors for.







 

Di Giovanna Grillo (2009) Sicilia

A delicious everyday white from Di Giovanna, a 100 hectare (56 under vine) organic estate located almost at Sicily’s geographic center, above the city of Sambuca.  The winery is run by fifth generation brothers Gunther and Klaus Di Giovanna (Sicilian father/German mother).  The wine is 100% Grillo-a variety in the past used to be blended with Chardonnay or Inzolia but here proves that it can stand all on its own. Aromas of pineapple, peaches and grapefruit (watch your drug interactions) Stainless steel fermentation and aging.  Brilliant acidity.  Goes well with anything you would squeeze a lemon on.